Telling your kids they have ASD

A friend of mine was asking how I talked to my kids about their disabilities.  I realized that they might want to read that one day so I am cutting and pasting it here.

SO - on the telling your kids about their diagnoses.  That is a tricky one.  You'll have to really use the spirit.  Unfortunately Ty found a book under my bed "All Cats Have aspergers" when he was in 2nd or 3rd grade.  I have bought it at a conference thinking it would be a fun way to talk about with him a few years later.  But he had this thing for cats back then and saw the cat on the book, read the book, and then asked me if he had aspergers. But he went through some anger and high opposition towards himself in 4th grade re: it.  Duncan just asked if he had it - which I don't know if he still qualifies under the new DSMV or not.  He's on a 504 plan.  I've just told him that some people call it ADHD, some call it PDD, some think it's just anxiety, but that yes he is similar to his brother. He takes things a lot harder than Ty.  He worries more, is younger, and gets "embarrassed" easily by any accomodations. 

The other thing I did for years was have the boys watch things shows like Extreme Home Makeover where people have disabilities far more intense than either of theirs.  We would talk about the disabilities, the accomodations, the person's wants and needs a lot.  I also tend to do that around Christmas time because even though we don't have much money we always try to donate or help with an angel tree or a Navajo Christmas or something like that.  We've talked about how their needs are different from our needs etc. But how we all have needs.  I also did that with the whole Santa Claus discussion.  Finally last year I told them, that there really wasn't a Santa (when their lists were ridiculous and after I had tried the Santa has a budget), that helped them with their gratitude and with their Christ centered Christmas.  I'm glad I did that now that Santa has cancer :)  

This is a lot of stuff - but basically the more I point out people they can help, the more they help me around the house, and help our dog (that was a big one), the focus isn't on them so much.

But at the same time - we talk through the disorder esp. when things get heightened.  And I've had to do it a lot.  The lovely regressive part.  That is hard with my current situation.  We sat down and did a plan of salvation lesson and talked about my diagnosis and lightly my prognosis a couple months ago and still every other week or so they ask if I'll survive, if I'm dying etc.  Not fun to have to repeat those conversation.  So just know that as they process it will take many times.  I forget about that sometimes. 

I wish there was a way to let them know and really believe that I wouldn't want them to be anything else.  That all the therapy we do isn't to change their spirits or their hearts, its to give them the tools they need to make it in this world.